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[07 Jul 2005|09:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 -worldly- |
] |
>.....>
I wont raise a challenging cry. Funny thing is I still miss you.
I wont rise to the temptation.
I aint no hollaback girl
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[06 Jul 2005|06:49am] |
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mood |
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-JEALOUS- |
] |
Count me out.
I've lost everything. I'm not looking for any more. I have finally, inevitably, faded into the background. There is no more I can do. As I am unloved, I'd rather die. Just stop everything. Eating, sleeping, thinking, loving. Dont become an icecube. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, you know you mean so much; you're you. You told me what to do, I'm sorry, I'm simply not strong enough, I cant live up to it. Give me a simpler plan. I just cant do it. I'm dying, I'm ill, I'm becoming deprived. Like you didn't already know it. How can I keep ahold of the feelings that hurt? Oh, my darling, I'm afraid of your mistakes. I love you, it's painful to see you sliding. I burden you with questions. Is she too cold hearted? Is she just not worth it? Words that were whispered to me ear to ear. I'm finding it difficult to believe. I've lost my whole hearted trust. I've lost my childhood, it decayed. I've lost myself, I simply died. I'm reborn, but forcefully, I'm -JEALOUS- I'm just a wrecked and worthless puddle of life. What are you living for? Nothing, oh, nothing. Just the pain that keeps me driven, keeps me angry. I never meant to spill confessions, but this is where I must. Maybe I can just sleep deeply again, like the night before. I want to sleep deeply and never get up. You let your pets die when they're in pain. You pay to get you're pets killed when they're in pain. What about me? Why dont I have the right? i hope this is bleeding her too, something I can reach but is far too good. I hope you loose your shine, your glamour. You're halfway there; you've lost me. I'm lost to you, forever. Can we simply forgive and forget? No. I'm the one still trying to walk the road we once walked. It's all gone now, but I try to walk it anyway. I slide and I slip. Get lost in the wilderness. There's is no God's Thumb to be my refuge. I'm a jem in a jewel shop, I'm greatly undervalued, the one nobody goes into buy, never, but in chance was next to the big shiny one, worth several million pounds. It won't be ok.
guilty
empty
baka
¦
¦
¦
v
hentai
[[you're such a pervert]]
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[04 Jul 2005|08:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 -JEALOUS- |
] |
The person in the mirror looks just like me
She's repulsive, surely she couldn't be
Myself?! Oh, please, say no!
But I, like her, am unloved, both.
If I try to smile will she smile too?
Is her reality pewter dark too?
I won't try. I simply refuse.
Respect me for once, take your que.
Just. Shut. Up
Keep me my silence
I've. Had. Enough.
I offer no condolence.
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[04 Jul 2005|06:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ~angry~ |
] |
| [ |
music |
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JEALOUS~Dir en grey |
] |
Jealous
Envious
I know the special spark held in your eyes
It’s all reserved for him.
I watch and wait, fading into the background
Almost as though my time will come, even though I know it won’t.
I’m left further withdrawn
I said things I regret now
I said things that I knew I couldn’t live up to
Slowly, my body is warping to fit the stormy soul with in
It’s slowly tearing its wrath over me
Won’t you see the affect?
You’re no doctor. You didn’t try to heal me. Isn’t it all the same when I die?
Is death really the end?
God. No.
I’m JEALOUS even until past then.
Rejection is cruel isn’t it?
How much gall will it take to pull myself off the floor?
Keep on living?
Can I achieve it, even? Has anyone, ever?
Well, of course they have. My eyes are not the first to shed tears.
Of course not, but wasn’t it hard?
Breaking the heart, you whole heartedly helped me mend?
Consciously, unconsciously, I don’t care.
I’m still trying to stitch me back up. Peering round
Green eyed. JEALOUS.
Don’t look back. You can never look back.
Oh no.
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[04 Jul 2005|06:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ¦mixed up¦ |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Oasis- ~Dont look back in anger <3 |
] |
Oh, Miss Boswelox, if you're too afraid. Pull the chain. Watch your colours spiral down
Oh, Miss Boswelox, you're far too weak. Leave off. It's ok. You dont have to speak.
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| Watch me now. Watch me die |
[03 Jul 2005|07:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Watch me fall or fucking fly |
] |
I've said my lines. I have no more. I've sketched and sketched and fucking drawn all my veins could give. And now I'm done
I'm finished. Sayonara
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[03 Jul 2005|10:27am] |
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Yay, I'm prolly getting Holes. I found it for real cheap, but I had to take out a loan. From my brother. Yeah. <3 ZeroXStanley
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| Is this really permissable? |
[02 Jul 2005|05:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 oh fuck. you're smiling? |
] |
| [ |
music |
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mazohyst of decadence |
] |
The sea is fun : D What will happen if we just sit down; ignore the concequences? Shall we just tear off our clothes? Maybe we'll say how we feel and we'll show just how important it is, show them how much they mean to us? how important it is to have em behind us? Do I love you too much to see the verdict? Maybe we'll just let it slip through, wont battle any further. Maybe the graves will raise. Maybe the morgue will morph.
o
m
g
[[wow]]
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[29 Jun 2005|07:46am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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anit afraid to die ~diru |
] |
I said I'd create a chracter for ye, olga-sama, and i have ^____^ *proud* I'll draw him later. I was hoping ye could use him for kabuki arc or zodiak or something, because i'm not going to get far with just my characters
Name: 'Firefly'
Organisation: Hall of the Timeless Whispers
Status: Club manager.
Age: ????
Strengths: Mysterious, headstrong. Confident, reflective
Weakenesses: Too detached, Sometimes stands out where he's needed
appearance: Razored hair, streaked copper and gold over ebony brown natural colour. Choppy, fringe falls over his eyes, which are a dark grayish blue. His skin is plae, a creamy milk colour. He is of asian origin, but no one quite knows the exact details. It is to some doubt even whether he himself knows. He's tall, usually standing a few inches over the average person, and he's skinny, skeletal, some say, but it's really not that bad.
The firefly appeared sometime in late november. He came out of a cocoon of a protective home and parents, and the difficulties of love, and sexuality. He appeared seemingly out of the sea on the docks and embedded himself into the current day-to-day affairs of ...well....everyone. He took over 304 goushita 4 days after the old master, Migami-sama, died and had completely revamped it.
And that was 5 months after he arrived.
Where did he come from? He says he's forgotten. He says he's always been in Tokyo. Born in one of those anonymous little suburban districts. He's claims his family are all still alive, which is strange, seeing as they were never found anywhere. Who does he pray for at Obon?
Let me tell you this, in case you didn't know; Life is like a goddamn show. You've gotta make the audience proud, proud that they wasted their time and intrest on you. You gotta put on a grand finale and play through to the end. The heart's beating is your only instrumental. You've gotta keep on your mask and play your role through untill heaven accept you
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[23 Jun 2005|07:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 shlup |
] |
| [ |
music |
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eminem ~toysoldiers. Yes, I feel chavvy :] |
] |
ok, I have not updated in an AGE. but anyhow. Not much happened in school, but tom showed me his book thing and chelsey had written in it, and she'd stolen more stuff from me like 'hun' and the faces i do. And she's already moved on to someone else. She is just a whore, Spence was right. She's so ignorant. I should have listened to you spence, i'm sorry. Anyway, got through school and did a scoobeeee. We did silly adverts in english with lots of damien and singing.
We saw damien in morrisons, which is now my favourite shop <3 he was with his coughhacksistercough. She WAS. I know she was. She was his sister.....;_____; I was like walky walky walky. And then I saw damien and I was like *choke* he has an affect on me.
I caught a pigeon. I was feeding it chocolate and it was taking it out of hand, and then I lept at it. Olga was going to stroke it, but it was moving too much and I was like 'jam, jam i got a pigeon' . He said 'yeah, sure, laura of course you have a pigeon. SHIT YOU HAVE A PIGEON!!' it was the funniest thing. We ate stuff and sang shalom but then ralph came along little shit bag. I'm going to walk away if he turns up again >;[
Going to olga's tomorrow, and going to see batman with her and jam on saturday. aparently, rob and co are going too so i guess we could just turn up and be embarrasing.
Olga:
1.Is it still ok that i come round?
2. Do you want me to bring anything?
3. 2:45 alright to see batman?
4. Would yer mum be able to take us to cineworld?
well, i might write more later
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[21 Jun 2005|10:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 the girl hides in her box |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Psycho ~Dir en Grey |
] |
;___; Had to hang around with Chelsey and Jam and the like. I'm not appreciated. It's you, darling, it's all you. Really, it's starting to
b
a
c
k
f
i
r
e
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[20 Jun 2005|04:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 whatever |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Beast of Blood |
] |
Stole it off http://backseatkissox.blogdrive.com/archive/cm-3_cy-2004_m-5_d-9_y-2004_o-0.html
1. First full name: Claude
2. Middle name: Fade Montgomery
3. Last name: Boswelox
4. Nickname(s): Claude. And prolly some more
5. Screen names: >>Fade<<, FunkyDory
6. Gender: T.T I'm a squid. A girl squid
7. Age: 452
8. Type of Music: J-rock ^^
9. Birthdate: 06-10
10. Birthplace: Venus
11. Zodiac sign: Libra
12. Current Location: In bed with Miyavi---I mean....Miyavi's knicker drawer XD
13. Live with: Vent. He's real. HE IS. :'(
14. Name of current school: Puddlemere's school for the criminally insane. Does that count
15. Grade/Year: ....James cant count
16. Graduation date/year: ....James cant think
17. GPA: .....?.? wtf
18. Height: 5'3 or 4 or something
19. Natural hair color: brownish, auburnish kinda. I forgot
20. Highlights/dyed: At the moment? PRRRRRRRRPUL!1!!!11!eleven!!1
21. Hair length: I dunno. Middle back thing. With an EMO FRINGE
22. Eye color: Bloooo
23. Contacts/glasses: Only x-ray glasses....Darn clothes always getting in the way
24. Freckles: *pokes out freckles* No, no of course not ¬.¬
25. Nose: It's a nose. -_-;;
26. Scar(s): ah. Well. Lots. And lots.
27. Type(s) of clothes you wear: Clothes. In general. You know, only when i feel like it [/sarcasm]
28. Cologne/Perfume you wear: Thrill ^^ I really hate it
29. Deodorant you use: wh00t! Let's all get thrills over deodrant!!!1847!!111!eleven!! Sure crystal or something
Family Life
30. Mom's name: Queen Amidala
31. Dad's name: Satan
33. Closest family member: I dunno. My cat?
34. Family member you could live without: I have to name ONE?
35. Last family member you've seen: Emmm.....my mum. I think
36. Oldest: It was my great grandma. But she's dead now ;___; Em, prolly my mum's pops.
37. Youngest: ano.....my cousin.
39. Fondest memory: The day before my aunt, uncle and cousins imigrated to Oz. Probably. I'm really not one for remembering 'fond memories'
40. Memory you miss the most: How can you miss a memory if you've still got it ?!?! Probably the times when my dad was nice...
41. Family member you wish the mafia would kill: At times, al of them
42. Memory you wish you had: WTF?! What sort of question is that? Something you wish had happened? I wish I'd have more time with my aunt and cousins and uncle and all that.
42. Memory you wish you didnt have: Chelsey
43. What you did yesterday: Talked to Val tied knots in cherry stems, drawed, stuff and more stuff
44. What you did so far today: School and internet <3
45. Last person you talked to on the phone: I dunno. Han, probably
46. Last person you talked to online: Olgaaaa <3
47. Last movie you've seen: X men 2
48. Last song you heard on the radio: He's the love I've been waiting on if it is I'm forever in debt to you. I hate that fookin song.
49. Last CD you played: Dir en Grey- Vulagr
50. Last thing you said out loud: Because I wanted to. Baka.
51. Last time you showered: last night. Why the fuck dya wanna know?
52. Last book you read: Memoirs of a geisha
54. Last time you sang: today!! You can be a champion too if you eat kanine krunchies
55. Last time you danced: ....i dunno. I dont dance
56. Last thing you ate/drank: a CHERRY
Believe it or Not
57. Aliens: Probably. There has to be some other life forms out there. Even if it only turns out to be a bush
58. Angels: yar. I am one. But, seriously. Some people are actually angels.
59. Demons: Same applies
60. Heaven & Hell: I just dont know....
61. God: I believe there's a greater power...
62. Your friends: I cant trust in mother. I cant trust in father. But I cant trust in me. I can trust in humanity.
Friendships
64. Best friend(s): Olgaaa-sama
65. Last friend you talked to: I dunno. Spence
66. Funniest: Hell, I dunno. Olga prolly. Because she's strange. Or spence who is just....yeah.
67. Silliest: T.T; Dibby probably but she doesn't count anymore
68. Loudest: Rob
70. Stupidest: .....everyone.
71. Sweetest: Hannah <3
72. Weirdest: me. or sam. I think we compete for the title. No wait.....Evan. Definately Evan.
73. Best at keeping secrets: Olga
74. Most hyper: I dunno.
75. Most annoying: That would be mean, ne?
76. Friend you miss most: Charlotte ;_____;
77. Friend you've known the longest: Olga probably, but we weren't friends. We just knew eachother.
78. Friend you haven't known long: The winnie the pooh guy. ^^ *hearts him*
Word Assosiation
79. Bill Clinton: Asshole
80. Lollipops: Muahahahah XD blahblah han knows what i mean ^__^ It's going floppy because you're not sucking it enough. Haha. Yeah.
81. Whipped Cream: Wooooo bubbles!
82. Dreams: Japan. Perfection. Happy. Melancholic waking
83. Love: Pain. Rejection. True? Lost. fragile. Burning
84. South Park: assholes
85. Guys: or girls....?
86. Girls: or guys....? lol, they both can be smexy. What can I say? I'm greedy
87. Death: Aint afraid to die
88. Bubble gum: sickly!!
89. Water: yay! Water babies. Glassy green pools. Drowning. Tears
90. Ice Cream: Brain freeze
91. Oil: Yay petrol smell!!
92. Phone: Mute. Fond of losing itself ;___;
93. Food: Bread of life....sweet jesus....?
94. Kiss: cherry lips. Pushed down desire. Just kiss....me...
95. Pretzels: omgwtf who cares?
96. Britney Spears: talentless slut. Sorry britney.
97. School: If high school is preparing for life, I dont even wanna know about life itself.
98. Floppy: Magnum!! Gackt! Not when my partner is a pot rofl
99. Shoes: Dancy!!
Have you ever
100. Been on a plane: Yeah. The pilot tipped it slightly for me so I could see the ground ^__^
101. Cried in public: Yes, once or twice. If I really couldn't help it
102. Climbed a tree: yeah. When i was younger
103. Gotten in a physical fight: I was angry.
104. Drank alcohol: Emmm....Yar. Muahaha. I got drunk at the new year
105. Fell asleep in a movie theater: No. I dont go to see bad movies. Even if they are bad, I still watch them through
106. Driven a car: nope
107. Been arrested: YELLOW YARD MUAHAHAH GET AWAY GINGER FREAK!!!
108. Broken curfew: what. The. fuck. Probably
109. Been pulled over when driving: I dont drive.
110. Farted in public: ewwwww. No.
111. Met a celebrity: ;________; I'm getting there
112. Skipped school: yup
113. Went to a pro sports game: wtf. no
114. Met the president: I ~am~ the president
115. Been scared to get shot: what sort of question is that?
116. Smoke a cigarette: nope. I'm such a virgin
117. Gotten a cavity: :< The injection was such a bum. The numb didn't go away for 5 hours
118. Done any drugs: hell no
119. Shopped at Abercrombie & Fitch: ....O.o
120. Gone skinny-dipping: you vulgar little child. How dare you think of such dirty things rofl
Favorites
121. Food: pockyyyyyy
122. Drink: water. Or strawberry milkshake
123. TV show: I dunno. I dont watch tv
124. Movie: LOTR, probably. I like lots of films
125. CD: Vulgar. Or gauze. I dunno. One of them
126. Song: At the moment, wires, by athlete. But aint afraid to die, Embryo and r to the core by diru and beast of blood by malice mizer are a few others
127. Color: Black. White. Lots of colurs. Prrrrrrpul
128. Day of the week: Saturday moring. So lazy and timelss
129. Month: Februrary. Just because.
132. Favorite Car: I dunno. A car, preferably
133. Cookie: The squidgy ones I got in bath
134. Toothpaste: wtf? It's TOOTHPASTE
135. Ice Cream: vanilla
137. Candy bar: Bettabuy <3
138. TV channel: ?.? the music channels
139. Radio station: I DONT KNOW WHAT IS THE FRIGGIN POINT OF THESE QUESTIONS?!?!?!?!
140. Artist/band: Dir en grey <3
141. Shampoo/conditioner: It's shampoo.
144. Sports to play:Sports. Urgh.
145. Sports to watch: Wimbledon! Heh, it's my homework.
146. Place: internet
147. Vacation spot: Japan. No I haven't been there. not yet
148. Kind of candle: deep red ones. Or nice scented ones
149. Color eyes: blue. Greyish blue. Or green. or silver
HAVE YOU EVER:
150. prank called someone: yes
151. been prank called: yes
152. fallen asleep in class: yes. probably
153. been suspended since first grade: No, but haha it's funny watching people get suspended
154. been expelled: nope
155. contemplated suicide: contemplated, yes.
156. seen someone die: Only on the inside
157. cut yourself: yes
158. slit your wrists: no. but heck, i've thought about it
159. flirty eye contacted someone in class: Prolly for a joke or something. I'm such a whore
160. fantasized about someone: *drool* ...I mean, no of course not ¬.¬
161. kissed someone elses partner : no. Maybe cherrykissed, but that's different
162. had oral sex with someone elses partner: omgwtf, no.
163. had sex with someone elses partner: Hem---no of course not *shifty glance*. Seriouslly, though. No
164. trashed a hotel room: No.
165. trashed someones home at a house party: nah
166. worried about your friends: yes
167.had your friends worry about you: yeah, i guess so
Yay.
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[19 Jun 2005|10:28am] |
Ok, copying mish ishadore on the english presentation list thing.
.Damien >:D
.Jrock in general
.Dir en grey; in depth on all members and band history
Hee hee. Sir was like. We've had some intresting topics come up, dinosaurs, ghosthunting. Olga goes damien. But he ignored her. He's too, too serious ¬.¬
I'm in larve with oekaki. And with vent. I made him alive because I'm Jesus :D
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| Yay. Val. |
[18 Jun 2005|03:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 :D |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Beast of Blood XD |
] |
Talking to Val again :D I thought it was Sephy or something because it just said, 'can you hear this cursed song has sighned in' so i didn't think it was Val. And then she was like Dory? And I was like ZOMG!11!1!!!eleven!!1 but not really. Kite. on back. on back. Surfing heatwaves. Yes, it's the newest sport. Blow up your school to produce sufficient heatwaves for flying on >.O Ki-surffly. Begin today.
Oooh, yay for malice mizer. I've fallen in love again. Beast of blood....drool.
I am bored. I really should be working to get money to buy Adrian's ff9, but i really cant be bothered at the moment.My brother+defective kite+ki-surffly. Mua. ha. ha. Toooooo hot. ;_; I need to sleep. Did another oekaki of Polly. link---->http://endrylthalan.free.fr/oekaki/pictures/OP_119.png Fun. A bit messy, but fun. Finished off the intro of Vent. Wheeeeee, I'm totally in love with him <3 >.> I like dentists. I have decided to have a dentist fetish
Nothing more to say. I need to do lots of homework, i think
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[17 Jun 2005|09:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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exanimate |
] |
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music |
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Dir en Grey |
] |
I suppose i could tell you a load of things but i cant really be bothered. School was school, full of it's own comings and goings. Stuff. And stuff.
( Vent :) i dunno. solo. intro...? )
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[16 Jun 2005|06:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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yay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Aint afraid to die |
] |
Yay
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[14 Jun 2005|06:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 fangrrrrrrrly :D |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Some random MYV song. Forgotten what it's called. |
] |
school was fuuuuuun yesterday XD I would've updated yesterday but i coudln'y be bothered cuz i was at hani's party and i got back about 8;30 so i went straight to bed and read artemis fowl and farted about with the rose petals i 'pressed' a while ago. Coughpetalsinbooksquishedundertvcough. My cat slept underneath the covers with me and it was uber coot! He nose was just sticking out of the covers. Oresama is....aargh!! *huggles meev* And the documnetary is just adorable. He crouching down watching a replay of the scene he'd just done with the little boy, what ever his name was, and he was holding the little boy's hand!!!!!!!!11!!1!!!!1!!eleven!!111 It wqas so kewt!!! I was trying not to scream because i was watching it at 6 oclock in the morning >.> Then at the end he hugs his co star and it's so kewt and i went on a fangirly rage. Hee. fun. They were just so coooot it was like 'yay I've got flowrs! :D I know lets hug!' And he'd written all over his script book XD meev so cooooot. I love how he talks O.o
Anyhow, yesterday was fun. I married about 3 people but Sam has still to marry me. ;_; He says he will today though, so it's ok. I slept on Evan's stomach :D haha fuuuun. I said Jam's stomach is better because he was being depressing but it's not really! :D Evan's stomach is better. Just dont tell him that. And i had an enormous amount of choclate intake which just cant be healthy and MUFFINS. Which i gave half of to the pigeons and olga and evan did ballet ¬.¬ And it was all huggly and fuuuun.
But Jam wont marry me :[ *withdrawel*
Ohwell, going to olga's after skewl to watch oresama with evan and jam ?.? and twill be fuuuuuuuuun. Hee hee. What if sam was meant to be coming to the bay but he didn't know about the oresama thing so he still thinks we're going and so does his mum and he has no way home? XD hahaa. Well, that's olag fault now, I've decided. And i must go for is 7:00. Ooh, dam i meant to speak to the winnie the poo guy. Too late now.
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| Leik omgwtf...? |
[12 Jun 2005|05:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 m33p |
] |
| [ |
music |
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that wierd austin powers music >.> |
] |
;_; Why are ye not around? :[ *pokes* Olga-sama. Too late now, ne? :( But whatever. You're gunna have to wait ages now, aren't you? :P Haha XD
Well, anyhow, browsing blastmilk, shouting and my brother and his friend and playing my entire media playlist. Ooh, yay! Gackt video :] I think my filling is coming out. I love the bbc report on diru! hee, funny kyo! 'if you dont mind having eggs thrown at you, or covered in my blood, we'd love you to come and see us play' :)
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[12 Jun 2005|04:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hurry up. T.T |
] |
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music |
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Pierrot ~Home sick ^^ |
] |
V.v If ye dont hurry up olga, ye wont be able to come round mine. Think of it....lovely oresama, going to waste...
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windsweptsakura's journal